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Dysfunctions Last Updated: Jun 19, 2017 - 9:37:45 AM


Eric Trump's Wedding Planner Now Holds a Major Government Job
By Ida Mae Astute, Vanity Fair 16/6/17
Jun 18, 2017 - 9:53:46 AM

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Of all the frightening things happening in our American political Swamp of Sadness—international provocation, willfully turning a blind eye to a planet that is mustering its army of oceans to finally fight back against us—we often overlook the smaller, perhaps more mundane or everyday horrors and stupidities that regularly emanate from Washington like smell lines in a child’s drawing of poop. Take, for example, this story from the New York Daily News, an absurd and depressing tale about the person the Trump administration has appointed to run the section of Housing and Urban Development responsible for New York City’s public housing (and for other areas as well).

Who do you think has been appointed to that weighty job? Scott Baio? That crazy sheriff with all the fake medals? Eric Trump wearing a wig and a frumpy dress and calling himself “Mrs. Housington”? None of those guesses is that far off, in fact! The new head of H.U.D. Region II is none other than Lynne Patton, better known as the event planner who, among other things, planned Eric Trump’s wedding. Yep! Isn’t that comically perfect? An incredibly important position that, in part, oversees federal funding for housing for poor people goes to an event planner-turned-personal assistant for Trump’s family.

Which isn’t to say that event planning or being a personal assistant don’t require an array of talents and smarts. Of course they do. But Patton has pretty much zero experience with, y’know, presiding over intricate systems on this scale, and no experience in housing, minus the time she’s spent as a “liaison” to H.U.D. since February. This appointment looks like the height of dumb cronyism from pretty much all angles.

But this story goes even further into macabre farce, because every story does these days. The Daily News notes that Patton’s LinkedIn profile lists Quinnipiac University Law School under education, though next to “J.D.” it says “(N/A).” What could that mean? The Daily News was curious, so they called up Quinnipiac, and then reported the following: “school registrar Jim Benson said Patton attended for two semesters but did not graduate.” Which is all rather perfect. We should all start putting “N/A” next to things we haven’t done but sort of want people to think we have done. Maybe the bank could put “$10,000,000 (N/A)” on my bank statement when I’m applying for an apartment. Should I put “Dated Andrew Garfield (N/A)” in my Tinder bio or something? This little trick opens up such a world of possibilities! Thank you, Lynne “Successfully Oversaw Public Housing for New York City (N/A)” Patton!

Another wonderful thing (we’re using “wonderful” here so we don’t burst into tears) about the Daily News story, at least the online version, is that the post includes an embedded Instagram photo from Eric Trump’s lavish 2014 wedding, to give us a taste of what kind of parties Patton will throw for the low-income residents of Region II. And in the chosen photo—and this cannot, in any way, be an accident—who is in the crowd of guests, watching young master Trump and his bride walk up the aisle? Why, none other than Jill Zarin.

There she is. The former Real Housewives of New York City cast member, beaming out of the past like some sort of . . . I don’t know. Ambivalent ghost, maybe. Jill Zarin, joke of the early 2010s, then a member of the wedding, now re-emerging at this darkest of hours. She was there in Trumpland all along. This whole time, Jill Zarin was there. Or maybe she was just there once! Maybe the wedding invitation was a fluke. A one-off. But still. There she is. How funny to read a story about the nation crumbling bit by bit, and then find Jill Zarin amidst it all, smiling in a dress. It makes a strange kind of sense, doesn’t it? That before we die, everyone we’ve ever known returns to us, briefly. So this was Jill Zarin’s moment. Now she will fade back into the past and that will be that. Goodbye, Jill! I wonder who we’ll glimpse next on our journey toward oblivion.

Anyway. This whole thing is a mess. And probably shouldn’t be joked about. H.U.D. does vital work that immediately and significantly affects people’s lives. An event planner and assistant to Eric Trump does not seem like the right person to oversee a bunch of that work. Call me crazy. Though, what do I really know. I’m just a gossip writer and movie critic. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an interview at the White House for the big head of F.E.M.A. job! Wish me luck!


Source:Ocnus.net 2017

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