Editorial
The President Wants to Dip His Toes in the Stagnant Pond of Imperialism
By
Aug 16, 2019 - 3:59:57 PM

It was with some amusement that I read of President Trump's desire to buy Greenland from its inhabitants and the Danes who administer this autonomous region. It is a fairly dreary place and, until recently, covered with a thick crust of ice most of the time.

I don't claim a lot of knowledge about Greenland but I have had an interest in the place for years. At Cornell I had a roomate, Burt, who became an expert on Greenland - not by choice but by fortune. He had left Cornell after his sophmore year and was drafted into the Army. He was quite bright, studying Civili Enineering, but with a volatile temper. The Army, in its wisdom, stationed him in Georgia where his sole duty was to keep a large, barren, field clear and raked in even rows. He sat next to the field and made sure the field was clear and evenly scored with parallel rake lines all day; every day. This was often accompanied by occasional bottles of beer to prevent his dehydration. One day he was approached in his toil by a fresh-faced, newly-made Second Lieutenant who began to walk all over the field, leaving footprints and distortions to the orderly rows. Burt remonstrated with the soldier , who laughed at him and continued to walk on the field. Burt was unhappy and smacked the soldier several times and dragged him off the field. The Lieutenant, pressed charges and the Army, to punish Burt, sentenced him to duty at Thule Baase in Northern Greenland. Burt's duty at Thule was task of emptying the latrines of the base and taking his cargo far out on the ice field before dumping it in a deep depression in the ice for Nature's recycling system. He was known as "Honeybuckets Burt". Normally this task is designed for four months service and then rotation home. The Army classified Burt as "vital personnel" and kept him at it for ten months before allowing him home (and later to return to Cornell where he graduated). However, with true Anerican spirit Burt soon found that there was a plus side to his role as "Honeybuckets". In his daily trips out on the ice he regularly encountered some of the Greenland Inuit, mainly Avanersuaq -dialect speakers, and worked out a system of barter. Alomg with the fragrant cargoes he was transporting to the ice dump, he also brought fuel. beer, minced beef and Hershey bars for the Inuit. They would give Burt beautiful Inuit Mukluk boots made of Arctic Seal, and other furs.

These, Burt would send home via the laundry boxes, where they saved them for him. As this was Dawn of the Age of Aquarius genuine Inuit Mukluks were the rage among the denizens of Haight-Ashbury and other hippies. Burt made a small fortune each time he sent a consignment home. So he, and I by appreciation, have always has a soft spot for Greenland.

Maybe, if they decide not to sell Greenland to Trump. he and Melania, would settle for some Muklucks.