PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—The North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, is reportedly “upset” and “hurt” that Donald J. Trump is seeing other dictators, sources in Pyongyang have confirmed.
According to an aide close to the North Korean leader, Kim was “devastated” to see images of Trump warmly embracing another dictator in Helsinki on Monday, just one month after jetting off to Singapore to spend a memorable and intense five hours with Kim.
Shortly after their time together, aides close to Kim warned him against becoming emotionally attached to Trump, alerting Kim to press reports linking the American to many other dictators.
“He’s been quoted saying nice things about Xi Jinping and Rodrigo Duterte, to name just two,” one aide said. “Trump could never commit to just one dictator. When it comes to autocrats and strongmen, he’s a total player.”
Still, despite all the red flags, seeing Trump in the clutches of another dictator left Kim “deeply wounded,” aides said.
“Donald Trump said that he and I had a ‘special bond,’ ” Kim reportedly said, choking back tears. “I guess that meant something different to him than it did to me.