WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Citing the deteriorating situation in the war-torn nation, Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) on Saturday called for Congress to convene an emergency blame game on Iraq.

“This is a dire crisis,” McCain said. “It’s time to roll up our sleeves and do some serious finger-pointing.”

McCain said that he hoped Congress would act swiftly to assign blame to a long list of culprits he identified, including President Obama, the Joint Chiefs, the media, and everyone who did not vote for him in the 2008 election.

The Arizona senator stressed that the blame game must be “rigorous and far-reaching,” but said that it would exempt those in the Senate who voted to invade Iraq in 2003. “That’s ancient history,” he said.

Concluding his remarks, he offered these words of reassurance to the Iraqi people: “As long as I have breath, I will use it to find fault with others.”