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Last Updated: Jul 9, 2008 - 8:45:00 AM |
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to
myself "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but
fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
-- Mark Twain
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
my nap.
-- Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . As you grow older, it will
avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out
Source:Ocnus.net 2008
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